I am a total failure

Today she was in a new dress and I really admired her but she is kinda far from me more than I can think of. My secret crush on her is killing me and I will die if she will not come to me. I also went to get a look at her from my important work but she was nowhere to be seen.  I like her smile,her eyes,her innocent face and what not. My feelings for her are totally different from the desire of making a physical relationship and I don't even think of that at the moment. This kind of thing has happened to me only twice in my life. Once there was a girl in my class and seriously she is my password as well. She had all the similarcthings that this girl have but both of them are very hard to get and are much desired by the people and always hitted so I don't stand a chance.

Today I lost my team a match that was totally dependent on me at the end and I failed them. Everyone think I am a loser and they are always thinking me as a weak person who needs support but I only need support moral based and some talking with them but I also don't think that as an introvert it would be easy for me to get talking.

I think I am going to break my pledge today as I am very weak from inside and the evil is going to get me.

God please save me.....

I lose friends or were they just acquintances

I sometimes think that I have friends but then some moments come when I think that they were just using me for a timepass and they had no one to talk with them

These kind of people really piss me off and I really feel very bad about myself. They come to you in a moment of need and after it they just say hi hello from far away or just give a smile.

I want a real friend to share my feelings but seriously I never had any such person in my life on whom I can trust and who trust me and with whom I can share my feelings,have some outdoor fun and someone who can help me in difficult situations.

That's why I started this blog so that I can share my views,my feelings with someobe who feels same or atleast just me and it makes me feel really good and takes a burden off me because I don't have a personal diary and even if I had a personal diary it might be risky business. People can read your personal diary but they can't read the blog until you tell them url or you share your personal info or other recognisable events or traits.

I advise every introvert to start a blog so that you can share your views with atleast yourself and get the burden away from your heart.

Feeling so lonely

I am feeling so lonely today and I think I will not be able to study today. My crush was looking so beautiful and I don't even got a look from her and it is really long time since she ever cared to look at me. I am feeling so sad and scare that I might lose her to any other boy.

I don't have any guts to tell her. She is with her friends or in a crowded place and I might not able to even talk to her in my whole life and any extrovert boy can get her with their charm while I will always be a loser and not anything else.

I try to become talkative with or try to be oversmart but I am not even a smart and goodlooking. I don't have any hope of any job in my life because my grades are really poor and I am also not good in sports and whatever that is wanted I am not good at it. I am a complete loser and I have to admit it seriously.

A few people try to motivate me but I am just what I am and I don't think I can change. However I was once a brilliant student and was counted in top three of my class. But after coming to college I don't know what happened to me I feel so lonely and frustrated and I really don't know why.

I live alone in a small room listening to people partying ,talking to their friends,laughing and killing me from inside unintentionally. I don't think I can do anything in my life. This introvercy is kind of becoming a curse to me and I also don't think that I will be any good as extrovert.

I have a strong urge to go home because there are my parents and atleast they love me. I will advice to anyone that if you don't think anyone loves you just have a look at your parents. I am only living for my parents otherwise I would have died long ago. I just care for them because they are the only ones who care for me,who love me.

I don't told you to read this post because this is my personal blog and if you think I am overreacting ,seriously get lost. And if you don't have any problem and understand me then just leave you advice in comments box.

Benefits Of Playing Sports

Tomorrow I will be giving to minor tests and I am totally confused on what to study and what not to study though I am motivated to study after playing sports. I played cricket today and believe me I am now fully fresh and can study with my full concentration.

In my views sports are a good thing for introverts,in this way we don't get feel lonely (sometimes we do) . This is also a good opportunity to let our extrovert side to expose itself. No one is pure introvert.

Another good effect of sports is that we become physically fit and a physically sound body have a sound mind so that we can increase our scope of thinking.

In beginning sports can be somewhat tiresome for your body but in a few days of regular playing you are good to go and you feel that your body is fresh after playing.

You get a good sleep after playing outdoor sports and that makes you sleep well. Sleeping gives our body rest and increase its efficieny and you can get more output with your body. Sleeping also increases age (please consult expert).

Thats a stop to my nonsense post and I also want to include if you are a regular reader and want to know ,that she today not even looked at me and I not got much chance to look at her. I will try tommorow to talk to her.

People Need To Change Their Mentality

This is an offtopic post but I thought that I will share it so that someone will listen what I am saying and if you like then you can just share it with your friends or anyone.

You have seen news almost daily that people killed someone without any reason or you might have listened that a few mass killings happened in recent past. One news that shocked me was that in UK one boy murdered his girlfriend because his friends offered him a free lunch in exchange. This was just a small example of people's decreasing moral values.

In India people gangrape girls in their cars,in houses . Such people are not eligible to live in this society and if you have a friend that done something real bad then you must leave him because his mind can change anytime and maybe the next victim will be a kin of yours.

I don't know where I am going with this post but you must know that the people who commit such unforgivable crimes such as rape,murder are not good for the society.

The people who commit such crimes should think atleast once that they aren't only devastating other's life but they are going to get punished and in this way they are going to get their own life destroyed.

For this we need to spread moral values in the kids because only a kid can be made as whatever we want ,you have pretty less chances in changing an adult's mentality. Only we can make this society a good place for us because sonehow or other these crimes are going to affect our lives someday. People are not born to kill or rape but the kind of education they get makes them such criminals. Youth from high class families think that poor girls are just a disposable glass and they use them and when their sexual desires don't stop they need prostitutes and it makes the selling of poor girls at large scale. In India people sell girls for money they kidnap girls and not even men,women are also in this business(sin). These activities are not only in India but almost in every country on our planet.

Please share your views though the post is not well organised and it is just a piece of thoughts that came into my mind as I let the thoughts coming out of my mind.

Feeling good but need her

After a full day without exhausting myself I feel so good and fresh after I slept for the night however my plans for studying were failed by one of my classmate who spent nearly three hours in my room talking utter non sense that I regret because I wanted to study and I am now trying to make plans for my upcoming tests.

I am also going to watch a movie today and some match and also have some plans for reading LOTR. For all this I think I have to make a tight schedule and also have to follow it to make it succeed.

People think I am a fool and they can use me for their selfish reasons but that's not gonna happen. I am feeling so disturbed as I am going to complete college in one year but I still don't have good marks or any thing that I can show to my kins. I am a total failure in this life but I deeply want to change my life by doing something big.

I have a few plans and I will try them when I get out of the college with a degree in my hands and a girl in my life(I hope so).I told you that I am going to proporse her this week until unless she is alone and sitting not just running. Please hope she atleast give me a chance as all the boys of my class wants to get her though they not dare to speak her name loudly but I think I do have a few chances as I examined some moments of my past that she was looking at me and we both smiled though it was a joke told by our teacher but time stopped for once, I don't know if I am overthinking but I saw something in her eyes.

Another moment was that one day she came from outside and I was standing but I saw her and she was continously looking towards me and I felt so uncomfortable and it was against her nature so it is hars to guess that she stared at me because she like me or because she was just looking. After that day I was standing with one of my classmate in corridor and she looked at me for a while and seriously I am stunned and it means she is not that much shy as I thought she was but is that also means that she like me because I am confused. After that day she not even looked at me though I saw her laughing and listening music inside class with headphones and it again made me wonder about her nature.

Please share your views on this post and especially on the last part of it.

Things I want to do before dying

I am an introvert and people misunderstand me(us) as not fun loving person but personally I disagree with this fact and I think we also have desires to go on outdoor adventures.

I made a list on the things I am going to do in my life and will not die befor I do them. I am sharing the list with you :

Travel Whole Europe: I don't know what Europe have but I want to travel whole Europe in my life. I like the monuments,castles,villages,cultures and everything in Europe. I am going to complete my mission before 2016 and I have to work hard to get that much money to travel across all the big or small countries of Europe. I will do it alone or with the girl I still have a one sided relationship with.

Own a submarine: I once read a book whose name I can't remember but it was totally based on life in a submarine and I liked it very much and I since then want to travel across all the world deep underwater and I will hunt for treasures. I don't know how much it will cost but I will do this adventure in last so that if I ruin everything I will have a chance to stay somewhere.

Skydiving: I have a fear of heights and you might say that I am not capable of skydiving but the fact is that would love to jump off that aircraft and into the arms of sky( I am bad at word selection). I want to enjoy the very moment of excitation just before jumping from there.

Lost in the mountains: I have another desire to get lost in the mountains of New Zealand and find my way by camping and trekking just like Bear Grylls of Man Vs. Wild. I love the mountains of New Zealand from the movie Lord Of The Rings. I hope to accomplish this task as soon as possible.

Till now I have these desites but I will keep you updated with my other desires.

Please share your must do list in your life.