Feeling good but need her

After a full day without exhausting myself I feel so good and fresh after I slept for the night however my plans for studying were failed by one of my classmate who spent nearly three hours in my room talking utter non sense that I regret because I wanted to study and I am now trying to make plans for my upcoming tests.

I am also going to watch a movie today and some match and also have some plans for reading LOTR. For all this I think I have to make a tight schedule and also have to follow it to make it succeed.

People think I am a fool and they can use me for their selfish reasons but that's not gonna happen. I am feeling so disturbed as I am going to complete college in one year but I still don't have good marks or any thing that I can show to my kins. I am a total failure in this life but I deeply want to change my life by doing something big.

I have a few plans and I will try them when I get out of the college with a degree in my hands and a girl in my life(I hope so).I told you that I am going to proporse her this week until unless she is alone and sitting not just running. Please hope she atleast give me a chance as all the boys of my class wants to get her though they not dare to speak her name loudly but I think I do have a few chances as I examined some moments of my past that she was looking at me and we both smiled though it was a joke told by our teacher but time stopped for once, I don't know if I am overthinking but I saw something in her eyes.

Another moment was that one day she came from outside and I was standing but I saw her and she was continously looking towards me and I felt so uncomfortable and it was against her nature so it is hars to guess that she stared at me because she like me or because she was just looking. After that day I was standing with one of my classmate in corridor and she looked at me for a while and seriously I am stunned and it means she is not that much shy as I thought she was but is that also means that she like me because I am confused. After that day she not even looked at me though I saw her laughing and listening music inside class with headphones and it again made me wonder about her nature.

Please share your views on this post and especially on the last part of it.

I don't hate girls but they hate me

I am an introvert and I can gurantee that none of my classmates or people in my college understand what an introvert is. People say to me that I don't talk,that I remain silent. But the fact is just opposite I can talk with people whom I am more open to and I can talk non-stop on topics that interest me.

I have a different behaviour around girls. I was once good at talking with girls but that was many many years ago. Now I just don't have enough courage to talk with girls or even look at them . I fear the unknown. The girls really think I am weird and must be making fun of me because I walk with my eyes on ground because there are so many girls around.

Girls think I am an alien and they talk to everyone and just not me. Even girls talk to the most boring person of my class(believe me I think he is more boring than me). I think all the facts are pointing towards the fact that I am ugly looking. And that makes me totally out of the chances to make love with my dream girl.

Personally I don't want that girls should talk to me but still a small hi will work and I will not feel outcasted.

Even my classmates think I am weird and they often make fun of me for not liking girls. They think I am a girl inside wearing a body of boy. All of my classmates are extroverts and they just talk in groups and they don't feel any problem talking to strangers while I even feel uncomfortable while talking to them while I know them since three years.

The post above might be a boring and unorganized but I am not writing this blog as a profession but for personal diary and I just write whatever comes into my mind during writing but still I think some of you can relate with the posts and I would be more than happy if you share your views so that we can fight this war together.

Ignored and Bored,Don't know what to do?

Being an introvert is another thing but today people just don't cared about me. I was left alone and everyone was sitting one bench away and they seriously didn't cared what the hell was they doing. After a virtual break up from a one sided love from my crush I was so broken but no one cared about me.

Today she again was not caring to look atleast once at me. I am going through the post breakup scenario and even if I want to forget her I have something inside me that don't want to let her go even if I wanted to.

She was again with her group of friends and oh my god I came to know that she have a new email address. She was again at the yesterday's place and the same story is repeated today.

And I want to start a no pornography and masturbation routine and I will now start a case study on my days without porn and masturbation. But tonight is going to be really bad and it is going to be very hard to avoid my desires and if I get pass through this night I am going to try same tactic tommorow and the following night. I have to study for my minor tests that are coming next week.

One thing I don't like about people is that they make their own theory about people without ever coming to know that what they are thinking. People in my life think that I am a heartless person and I don't love girls and I am only a nerd. But the fact is that I am not a heartless person but I do love a girl and I have feelings. What if I don't have a good face ,love is purely eternal and it makes the value of a bad face more than a good face without the purity of love.

So I have to stop being so much emotional and let me study "Lord Of The Rings". I kinda love that book and I want to write a book with a fantasy world. If you guys have any tips please comment.