I am so weak

I tried not to watch porn and also not to masturbate but it is three days in a row I am masturbating. I need support and I don't know what the hell is the problem with me and all I want is to get rid of it. From this moment I take pledge unto myself that I will not masturbate for the coming 30 days and also I will not watch porn or read any obscene joke or see any obscene photo at all. This is my journey to a better life. I wish someone was there to give me that courage so that I will not kill myself from inside.

I searched happiness but it is nowhere . No happiness in money at all. All I want is to meet my girl and tell her about my feelings but I don't find a perfect time to do that. And I know that I am an ugly boy and she may reject me without even thinking about me.

I think that masturbation makes me weaker,makes me look ugly,makes me weaker from inside and lastly I am losing my memory. People say that masturbation is not bad but we all know from inside the guilt we all have after doing that stuff and we regret more than anything else.

I hate the day when I first listened about jerking off and I experinented. It felt good. This thing may be a new story on why and how I started masturbating.
I will post it as soon as possible and no one but ne will hate to read it.

I just want to live a happy and healthy life so please god save ne from this cruel satan. Or you can say evil. I want to focus on my other important tasks. Such as I wanted to read the book but i just stopped to watch the porn and my god I hated but I don't know what I liked in it but I started and watched one video after another. I am feeling real guilty after watching the pornography and I want to stop it. Do you guys know any way I can stop watching that ridiculous stuff as it is only pornography that make me masturbate. i don't masturbate without any picture or porn.

I am realky lost and I am seeking advice so please do comment on how to stop masturbating as an introvert.

One thing I want to add is that we introverts have most time alone so how do you guys pass your time when not thinking about something.

I am waiting.